Patti’s Book of Wrong

If you have been one of the concerned citizens who has approached me and asked “How’s Homesteading going??” I am sure you noticed the hesitation in my voice, an audible lump in my throat and a choked back, “it’s grrrreat…when things aren’t going wrong, it’s wonderful”. The truth is that it is wonderful and everything has gone wrong…everything.  In my last post I spoke of the early tragedies we have faced so we won’t rehash the past.  I will however share some of the new things gone wrong.

If you follow me on Pinterest you will see that I have an entire board dedicated to outside spaces.  It is almost as if I was destined to live this outside life.  One of the things I had always dreamed of was an outdoor shower.  I am not an exhibitionist by any means but secretly love the way the sun kisses my skin and always wished to enjoy that feeling in the spots normally covered by clothes.  Now, don’t get me wrong, this new life of mine is not going to evolve into a new membership at the local nudist ranch, but I am happy to secretly flaunt my assets behind the confines of the beautiful outside shower that we built.  

My first shower was so exciting.  It was tantalizing and nerve wracking all wrapped up into one.  I loved the feel of the sun and simultaneously knew that the nuns from Catholic school of my youth were condemning me to hell for being so immodest.  Either way, there I was, in my birthday suite enjoying the cool water on my warm skin.  Suddenly, a sense of dread came over me as I looked to the open sky.  Is that an airplane?  Oh my gosh!  That is probably an airplane!  I suddenly remembered that our place is directly under the approach of the local airfield!  Oh my GAWD!!  Here I am naked as a jay bird in a space with no roof!  They will absolutely be able to see me.  I tried to move over toward the corner and cower whilst doing my best to achieve my goal of being in the outside shower in the first place…to get clean!  Frantically scanning the sky above me while doing my best clean as fast as I  can, while hiding in the corner in hopes that the pilot and passenger of a plane that was sure to pass over any minute would not notice my nakedness and do a low altitude fly-by!  Suddenly, all of my joy of being naked and free in the great outdoors turned into an ordeal that I certainly hadn’t anticipated.  In an instant I was clean even though it seem to take an enternity, I dried off in record time and was dressed faster than a fireman!  With a sigh and a feeling of accomplishment I emerged from my little oasis turned exhibition chamber with relief that the plane had not yet made it across our path.  A little shaken and out of breath I looked across the way only to realize that it wasn’t a plane I heard, it was a swather cutting hay in the neighboring field!  Needless to say, I felt like a total idiot, but I continue to shower in record speed…you just never know when a lonely pilot might see something he may never forget!

I wish I could say that my outdoor shower mishap was the end of my list of things I’ve done wrong as a homesteader, but sadly it isn’t!

We thought we were being all cool putting in our very first mail box on our very first homestead.  We measured out the required height and distance from the road and dug a hole and placed our box!  It was so cool that we were the ones to put in the mailbox!  After all, how many people can say that they are the ones who put in their own box?  We can!  But, then again maybe we shouldn’t be so proud of that accomplishment!  Last week Avista came out and mark where our power pole and lines will be run.  They called for a utilities locate and one morning we woke up to spray paint all over the road and road side in front of our property.  One in particular stood out.  You see there was a bright orange arrow right along the side of the road that went right through the middle of our mailbox!  Yes, the contractor and his wife forgot the #1 rule of digging….CALL FIRST!!  How we didn’t hit what ever was buried there is beyond me, but we didn’t!  And now our friendly local Avista guys know that we are complete idiots.  They were so kind as to point out what kind of idiots they think we are by the way that they drew the lines.  Check out this handy work!

If that isn’t a, “there was a buried cable right where you put your pole, dumbasses” I don’t know what is??

That is not the end of my wrongs…here are a few more.  I have driven off and not realized that my dogs were running after the car, I have left the propane coffee pot running for over an hour while it burned the coffee to a crisp, I have forgotten appointments and I have cried in the porto-John…I have done it all!  But aside from all the wrong, the well is being dug on Monday so at least I won’t have to worry about conserving water while trying to stay out of the line of sight of the local Cessna pilots!
I would like to say that this is the end of my book of wrong, but sadly this is me and I am bound to mess up even bigger and better in the future…until then…stay tuned 🙂


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